Horror Flash Fiction: Scabs Commentary

                                                     'Scabs' commentary

 'Scabs' is based on the theme of Halloween. Its purpose is to entertain and horrify the audience. The audience this piece is aimed at is Year 7 to Year 9. 'Scabs' was written as a short story in flash fiction style for a competition.

Due to the influence of the audience, I used language that would creep out and scare the readers. everyone has had scabs at some point in their lives, and most would have picked at them. There is always the fear of peeling back skin too far and causing harm, so to have a character who loves to peel his scabs who make the reader feel disturbed.

I find that one of the reasons this story is effective is due to its links to childhood. The lexis 'scab' has a lexical field of wounds, clotting, puss, not healing effectively; these are the general connotations given when hearing the word scab. It also links to childhood effectively as many children pick their scabs. The character in this story even talks about his childhood and how his mother scolds him for playing with his scab. The reader should be able to related with the childhood feeling of being interested and enjoying something disgusting.

A phrase I used to creep the audience out is 'I smiled, I loved this part'. This has pragmatic value as it implies to the reader that the character has done the same action before, and shows that he enjoys the pain, being extremely sadistic.

The piece is extremely descriptive, as it gives comparisons to size using a metaphor 'had grown to be the size of A4 paper' and a very visual image 'was deep enough to put the tip of my finger in' to help the reader picture how large the wound he's made on himself actually is. The piece also has a brief description of the feel of the scab, and the feelings of pain that the character feels, which is intended to make the reader feel on their skin the scab and clearly picture how the scab would feel under their finger tips.

Also, describing the state of the characters nails as bitten; we can picture the character struggling to get a grip on his scab, and making a mess of it as he does so. Although the character doesn't describe it, its obvious the wound he has made is more than just bleeding, we know this when he implies how large its splitting and how deep its going. This is also obvious when he is dazed in his chair.

The fact that the character doesn't have a name nor gender assigned to him during the actual story (for commentary purposes I have labelled the character as a him, to make the description easier), It doesn't give the reader a pre-picture of how the character should look, which also isn't described in the story. This makes it easier for the reader to imagine their own person peeling off the scab, either by putting themselves in the story or by creating their own character. the only information about the character is a brief insight to an aspect of his childhood, he's old enough to work, that he travels to work by bike, and how he has a weird fascination with scabs.

Horror Flash Fiction: Scabs

Scabs

I like to pick my scabs.

 I’ve done so ever since I was a child. My mother used to slap my hand away when it drifted towards my scabby knees, telling me that it would only make it bigger and take longer to heal. Though when I was six, I took no notice and did so when she wasn’t around. I used to love the scabs that were bumpy, that were rough to the touch and bubbled when you push down on them. They were the ones you could really get your nails under the sides of and pick away at, the ones that tore your skin ever so slightly more each time they peeled off.

Now I’m older, I don’t get scabs very often; so I was quite shocked and secretly delighted I got another one after falling off my bike on the way to work. It was late in the evening, while I was watching TV that my hand reminded me of it as I rubbed my elbow, its coarse, crumbly feel contrasting against my smooth skin. I had a habit of biting my nails, so I struggled to get a good grip on it. Once I had it under my bitten nail, I flicked up the edge of the scab; shivering as the sting wisped up my arm. I pinched the dried skin and pulled gently. As it peeled backwards, the vulnerable, bloody pink flesh underneath was revealed. I poked it gingerly, still pinching its protector between my thumb and fingers; taking a sharp intake of breath as blood seeped out in droplets. I examined the scab with a weird sort of gratification. It was big, much bigger than I thought it was.

Yet this wasn’t the whole scab.

I placed it carefully on my knee and felt the prickling wound once more. The sides of the scab is still stuck around the edge of the wound, sharp and jagged. I began to pick them off. However, one was stubborn. I gripped it with the tips of my fingers and pulled.

Too hard.  

The scab ripped itself up my arm, splitting my skin all the way up to my shoulder, getting wider as it grew.  I smiled, I loved this part. I tugged the length of skin across my chest, under my shirt and down one side. Blood poured down my body, sticking my shirt to the wound and binding itself to me as it clotted. The length of skin had grown to be the size of A4 paper and was deep enough to put the tip of my finger in. I lifted up my crusty shirt above my stomach, and tore the skin off; relishing in the sensation of my skin ripping apart, pulling away from my muscles and splitting off at the end.

I sat back in my chair, holding the sheet of skin with a dazed expression. I felt content. I felt satisfied. I felt at ease.

I like to pick my scabs.

Transcript: Biology homework

The Transcript has three participants: A, B and C
The transcript takes place in a library.
A, B and C are discussing biology homework

A: facilitated diffusion (.) because (.) thats the one that lets it go through the protein (.)
      //in the bi layer//
B: //because it is// what (.) lets (.) it get to the protein (.) // Yup
C:                                                                                       // I smell chips
A: [makes a tuh sound in amusement]
B: That was a // odd
A:                   // you smell chips (1.0) lovely (3.0) there isnt any chips today is there
C: [shakes head]
B: wahoo (.) done
A: That was //successful
B:                 // fan (3.0) I feel pleased with myself when I do a //bit of homework
A:                                                                                               // pleased with yourself
B: (2.0) I wont for very long though (4.0)
A: explain don't worry
B: whats we gotta (.) we gotta complete this graph apparently (.) urph (.) whats this graph thing we have to complete
A: (1.0) graph
C: whos your teacher
A: turner smith
B: thats it
C: shes alright isnt she
A: // yeah
B: // yeah but ive written something about a graph (.) is that // because you have to use it in that
A:                                                                                            // no no no you have to use it in the question
B: ha


From the transcript, we can see that it is a non scripted, natural conversation. Features that show this are the heavy use of overlap and interruptions in the conversation. A repeats a phrase from B and C's sentences in an overlap to show sarcasm in respond to their statement 'you smell chips (1.0) lovely'. B interrupts the conversation and appears to take the main role as subject manger. B constantly brings the subject back to the biology homework by asking A questions relating to it. There are times when C takes control of the conversation by off topic one liners such as 'I smell chips'. These are usually quickly dismissed by B.
B uses the sociolect word 'gotta' to shorten down her sentence while she's trying to figure out the graphs use. From this, we can hear her accent in the transcript, and gives us an idea of how quickly she is talking.

Computer Game (Boys) Transcript

The transcript has four participants: Ben, Andrew, David and Carl.
The boys are playing a computer game.
Andrew is playing, the others are watching.

The Transcript is a natural conversation.

In the first line of the transcript, we can see that on of the boys is slightly stressed out over his friends game play. Ben uses the imperative 'No' then shortly after 'now' to hint that he has played this game before, or has worked out what the aim is before the player. He pauses for 3 seconds in the first line, showing that an action has taken place before he continues his speech, despite that the person logging the transcript hasn't specified what has happened. Ben uses a jargon 'Light Sabre' to refer to the weapon in the game, this shows that Ben understands what he's talking about.

We can see by the way Andrew talks that he is quite arrogant and a show off. For example, he uses the imperative 'no' to contradict what his friend has said. He pauses before using another imperative 'observe' before he does an action on the screen. This 'observe' between two pauses would indicate that he has said this with an air of confidence about him, taking a short time before showing off his different ways of dying. However, from the actions described in the transcript '[sound of shooting and groans]' suggests that all didn't go as planned. This is followed by a four second embarrassed pause as he realised what happened.

We can tell that the transcript is from a natural conversation, as it features overlap. The overlap in this transcript occurs twice. Once between David and Andrew, with David laughing at his friends misfortune, and then again at the end when Carl makes his first appearance. There are features of repetition which also show that the conversation is natural. For example, 'throw your light sabre through (.) throw your light sabre through'  shows stress on the second repeat, and also picks up the pace of the conversation slightly.

The subject leader of the conversation flicks between Ben and Andrew, who both talk about the game at hand. The others listen and throw in their two cents every so often.